Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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