We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
