This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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