I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize