Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
