we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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