my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
