So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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