420 ftw
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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