So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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