My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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