I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
