Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
