I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
