I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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