You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
