It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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