I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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