She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize