So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
