great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
