Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
