I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
