Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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