went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
