Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
