I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sext me about skeletons
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
