pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
