you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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