dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
