I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize