First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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