Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
