maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
