he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
