you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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