Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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