I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
