i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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