Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize