Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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