Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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