Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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