I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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