my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
