...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
