He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
