areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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