I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize