They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
