The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize