You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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