dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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