My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
