I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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