batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
