I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
