sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
