yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
