She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
