somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
not ubering you a puppy
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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