Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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