Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
