I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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