Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Still dying that you shit outside
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
