her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
