Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize