She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
