Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
