Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
